Monday, January 26, 2009

2009 is Year of the Ox...

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

Year of the mother fucking Ox.

I'm a Horse. My girlfriend is a Rat. My horoscope says, "Marry a Tiger, but never a Rat..."

With that said, Minnie Mouse is soon to be done deals, because I'm gonna get me a dime piece Tigress...Rrrroaweeeeer!

All you Tigers out there holla at your boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"All the single ladies make some noise..."

My horoscope also said that it's going to be a tough financial year and it told me not to splurge and keep my friends and family near.

Sounds like a dim fucking 2009.

Fuck the bullshit. When I hit 200 members, I'm going to get a 8 ball of coke and get down.


Yeah...great idea! I'm Andre 3000:

"Gimme a green light...gimme just one night....I'm ready to go right now!!!"

My caffeine intake isn't getting any better. I'm getting love handles too.

My girlfriend says it's a turn on for her because I look fatter.

BULLSHIT! It's a turn-on because it's an excuse for her to eat more and get thicker, and it will be my nemesis because I won't get any new pussy because I'll be all out of shape. Fucking RAT!

I went to the gym for the first time in 2009 last Friday. Ran 3 miles, did some dips and some pull ups. Felt great...I'm gonna try to go at least 3 times this week. If I don't, you get to chop off my balls, throw them in the deep fryer, shake some McCormick and Smicks on them and feed them to me because I seem to not need them...

Peace out bitches. See you again soon.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Happy 2009 bitches!

Wait here's a recap of what happened since September 2008:

In October I stopped talking to my girlfriend so we "broke up". I went on a East Coast tour to New York, Boston, Martha's Vineyard, Halifax and Nova Scotia via Norwegian Cruise Lines. There was this crew member who wanted me. She was a short and cute from the Philippines I met on the first day taking pictures around the ship on the first day. My cousin said she wanted to have my baby. I said I just wanted to buck. Tried to scheme it out...can I go downstairs to her cabin (going past the "authorized crew members only") door or have her come up to my cabin (when my parents and sister are gone)? My chances of having her bend over one of the ship's rails doing it doggy style out in the open were greater...

I like the East Coast. It's a different flavor out there.

The Holidays came and went. Thanksgiving was in Las Vegas and Christmas was in Prague, Vienna, and Budapest. NYE was in Las Vegas.

Like I said earlier broke up with my flight attendant sex trip and got back with her in December when I got back. Seeing all those hot Eastern European girls made me want to explode. So my ex flew in mid-December and we had go back together. She went with us to Vegas on NYE.

Just spent a couple days with her. She's doing good. I'm still needing to find a girl who can "fill the void."

Notable women:

Angelina Jolie
Kate Moss
Tyra Banks

Oh shit I just noticed that all of them are hot and they can take care of me in the bedroom and out in the real world because they're paid out of control!!!

Back to the grind. Gotta get mine.

I miss Adderral.

That's why I down 4 cups of coffee a day.

Oh yeah, Obama is our first African American president.

Now get off your ass and do something because ANYTHING is POSSIBLE.

Yo Feds, hook me up with a stimulus check so I can do shit!!!