Amphetamine: meet Alcohol, THC, and Nicotine

Amphetamine: I'm the best. Without me, waking up in the morning sucks. Alcohol: I'm better. How many times did homeboy get limp dick because of you? And how many quality hours of sleep does he get? Goose gets you loose... Nicotine: I'm the greatest! Don't you know how much tax revenue I make and you know how many people I kill? Amphetamine: I'm legal speed...I make the world spin. THC: I really just wanted to chill out tonight, but you guys are bullshitters and I have to educate you: I'm all natural, statistically have way lower DUIs than Al, inhale/exhale and/or eat me and you get high and I'm not cancerous like Nic, in fact do you know how many cancer patients I help? I hate talking about money and tooting my own horn but I will continue to be legalized in more states so immabe the next billion dollar cash crop. BOOM BOOM BOOM...SORRY YOU HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP IGNANT BIATCHES! I AM THE BEST! And to add a little salt on the wound, homeboy lost his virginity getting smoked out by homegirl. Or did he smoke her out...hmmmm...I get these senior moments every now and then...anyways...what was I saying...oh yeah: I'M NUMERO UNO! Pizza sounds damn good right about now...y'all want to put in on a large combination pie and some wings? Alcohol: Bruce, would you be kind enough to grab a Keystone Light for everyone here from the fridge? Thank you in advance! Amphetamine: Gross. I think I need to tell homeyboy he needs to take another shit soon.