Happy Chinese New Year!!!
Year of the mother fucking Ox.
I'm a Horse. My girlfriend is a Rat. My horoscope says, "Marry a Tiger, but never a Rat..."
With that said, Minnie Mouse is soon to be done deals, because I'm gonna get me a dime piece Tigress...Rrrroaweeeeer!
All you Tigers out there holla at your boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"All the single ladies make some noise..."
My horoscope also said that it's going to be a tough financial year and it told me not to splurge and keep my friends and family near.
Sounds like a dim fucking 2009.
Fuck the bullshit. When I hit 200 members, I'm going to get a 8 ball of coke and get down.
LIGHTBULB!!!
Yeah...great idea! I'm Andre 3000:
"Gimme a green light...gimme just one night....I'm ready to go right now!!!"
My caffeine intake isn't getting any better. I'm getting love handles too.
My girlfriend says it's a turn on for her because I look fatter.
BULLSHIT! It's a turn-on because it's an excuse for her to eat more and get thicker, and it will be my nemesis because I won't get any new pussy because I'll be all out of shape. Fucking RAT!
I went to the gym for the first time in 2009 last Friday. Ran 3 miles, did some dips and some pull ups. Felt great...I'm gonna try to go at least 3 times this week. If I don't, you get to chop off my balls, throw them in the deep fryer, shake some McCormick and Smicks on them and feed them to me because I seem to not need them...
Peace out bitches. See you again soon.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Happy 2009 bitches!
Wait here's a recap of what happened since September 2008:
In October I stopped talking to my girlfriend so we "broke up". I went on a East Coast tour to New York, Boston, Martha's Vineyard, Halifax and Nova Scotia via Norwegian Cruise Lines. There was this crew member who wanted me. She was a short and cute from the Philippines I met on the first day taking pictures around the ship on the first day. My cousin said she wanted to have my baby. I said I just wanted to buck. Tried to scheme it out...can I go downstairs to her cabin (going past the "authorized crew members only") door or have her come up to my cabin (when my parents and sister are gone)? My chances of having her bend over one of the ship's rails doing it doggy style out in the open were greater...
I like the East Coast. It's a different flavor out there.
The Holidays came and went. Thanksgiving was in Las Vegas and Christmas was in Prague, Vienna, and Budapest. NYE was in Las Vegas.
Like I said earlier broke up with my flight attendant sex trip and got back with her in December when I got back. Seeing all those hot Eastern European girls made me want to explode. So my ex flew in mid-December and we had go back together. She went with us to Vegas on NYE.
Just spent a couple days with her. She's doing good. I'm still needing to find a girl who can "fill the void."
Notable women:
Angelina Jolie
Kate Moss
Tyra Banks
Oh shit I just noticed that all of them are hot and they can take care of me in the bedroom and out in the real world because they're paid out of control!!!
Back to the grind. Gotta get mine.
I miss Adderral.
That's why I down 4 cups of coffee a day.
Oh yeah, Obama is our first African American president.
Now get off your ass and do something because ANYTHING is POSSIBLE.
Yo Feds, hook me up with a stimulus check so I can do shit!!!
In October I stopped talking to my girlfriend so we "broke up". I went on a East Coast tour to New York, Boston, Martha's Vineyard, Halifax and Nova Scotia via Norwegian Cruise Lines. There was this crew member who wanted me. She was a short and cute from the Philippines I met on the first day taking pictures around the ship on the first day. My cousin said she wanted to have my baby. I said I just wanted to buck. Tried to scheme it out...can I go downstairs to her cabin (going past the "authorized crew members only") door or have her come up to my cabin (when my parents and sister are gone)? My chances of having her bend over one of the ship's rails doing it doggy style out in the open were greater...
I like the East Coast. It's a different flavor out there.
The Holidays came and went. Thanksgiving was in Las Vegas and Christmas was in Prague, Vienna, and Budapest. NYE was in Las Vegas.
Like I said earlier broke up with my flight attendant sex trip and got back with her in December when I got back. Seeing all those hot Eastern European girls made me want to explode. So my ex flew in mid-December and we had go back together. She went with us to Vegas on NYE.
Just spent a couple days with her. She's doing good. I'm still needing to find a girl who can "fill the void."
Notable women:
Angelina Jolie
Kate Moss
Tyra Banks
Oh shit I just noticed that all of them are hot and they can take care of me in the bedroom and out in the real world because they're paid out of control!!!
Back to the grind. Gotta get mine.
I miss Adderral.
That's why I down 4 cups of coffee a day.
Oh yeah, Obama is our first African American president.
Now get off your ass and do something because ANYTHING is POSSIBLE.
Yo Feds, hook me up with a stimulus check so I can do shit!!!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Red October
Holy crap...it's Q4 2008.
I still remember my freakin New Year's Resolutions:
I got sick of her. It reminded me why this is a successful relationship. It being a long distance one is actually a blessing in disguise.
Got a call from human resources. What the hell, accusing me of stealing? I didn't steal shit. You fucking haters. Haters be hatin'.
Saw Ozomatli at the Hollywood Bowl on the 21st. Great show. I got fucked up! I met some young teenie boppers at our seats. They wanted me. But I didn't want any child molestation charges. Some friends of friends were looking hot as well. I'm going to holla at them.
My sister and niece came down last Thursday night. Wow motherhood. Wow kids. Cute kid but a handful if things aren't her way. Let's just say my sister is a very very patient person.
The girlfriend flew into SFO last Saturday night. I didn't want to go up there and see her. I did want to smash though.
So I drove up there Sunday, arrived 10pm, "spent time with her" and had lunch in Palo Alto, checked out Half Moon Bay. Then I wanted to go home and told her I needed to drop her off early. Didn't want to get stuck in NorCal traffic. I dropped her off at her hotel at 4:30. I made a few stops, to get gas twice and to piss twice. Got to my a bar for my friends bday gathering around 11pm. Had 3 Jack and Cokes and 1 Stoli shot. Between the lack of sleep and the fatigue I got pretty faded.
Today I visited a hot lead. The account is a Mexican meat market and restaurant. The patrons were cool older guys. They hooked me up with a pound of Chicharones and a pineapple juice drink. I'm going back on Thursday to drop off some pens and get a signed Broker of Record letter. I can use the extra $200/month.
I'm back on the MySpace and Facebook hype. Some bitches want to meet me. Shit, free social networking websites are the shit. You don't have to leave the comfort of your home to meet and interact. You don't have to do the bar thing any longer. And with the economy continuing it's downward spiral, people aren't going to be able to afford wining and dining and contraceptives.
So more and more people are going to start having more and more cybersex.
And more offspring.
Fuck a bailout plan. Just send the people stimulus checks bitches! I can use some cash right now...
I still remember my freakin New Year's Resolutions:
- Work out
- Write business (match/surpass ex-employer salary)
I'm in okay shape.
I did grow my book of business five fold. But the 500 members at end of Q4 looking dim. So I slacked. I'm going to downgrade to 300 members. I'll be lucky if I get 250. Did I match or surpass ex-employer salary? I'm going to push so I can match. I'm about 70% there.
September came and went. My girlfriend was here for the first two weeks, which involved going up to San Francisco via Amtrak, staying at a 3 star hotel in Union Square, shopping, eating at overrated 5 star Greek restaurant for her bday, riding Amtrak back down to Bakersfield and her luggage getting stolen, hung out in L.A. for a couple of days, took a 4 day cruise from Long Beach on the 8th, came back and drove down to San Diego; stayed there for a couple of nights. Came home on Sunday night. She left Monday the 15th.I got sick of her. It reminded me why this is a successful relationship. It being a long distance one is actually a blessing in disguise.
Got a call from human resources. What the hell, accusing me of stealing? I didn't steal shit. You fucking haters. Haters be hatin'.
Saw Ozomatli at the Hollywood Bowl on the 21st. Great show. I got fucked up! I met some young teenie boppers at our seats. They wanted me. But I didn't want any child molestation charges. Some friends of friends were looking hot as well. I'm going to holla at them.
My sister and niece came down last Thursday night. Wow motherhood. Wow kids. Cute kid but a handful if things aren't her way. Let's just say my sister is a very very patient person.
The girlfriend flew into SFO last Saturday night. I didn't want to go up there and see her. I did want to smash though.
So I drove up there Sunday, arrived 10pm, "spent time with her" and had lunch in Palo Alto, checked out Half Moon Bay. Then I wanted to go home and told her I needed to drop her off early. Didn't want to get stuck in NorCal traffic. I dropped her off at her hotel at 4:30. I made a few stops, to get gas twice and to piss twice. Got to my a bar for my friends bday gathering around 11pm. Had 3 Jack and Cokes and 1 Stoli shot. Between the lack of sleep and the fatigue I got pretty faded.
Today I visited a hot lead. The account is a Mexican meat market and restaurant. The patrons were cool older guys. They hooked me up with a pound of Chicharones and a pineapple juice drink. I'm going back on Thursday to drop off some pens and get a signed Broker of Record letter. I can use the extra $200/month.
I'm back on the MySpace and Facebook hype. Some bitches want to meet me. Shit, free social networking websites are the shit. You don't have to leave the comfort of your home to meet and interact. You don't have to do the bar thing any longer. And with the economy continuing it's downward spiral, people aren't going to be able to afford wining and dining and contraceptives.
So more and more people are going to start having more and more cybersex.
And more offspring.
Fuck a bailout plan. Just send the people stimulus checks bitches! I can use some cash right now...
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Rotten cupcake...
cupcake (cup-kayk): verb. To shut out the world and focus all of your attention to one girl.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Lost Wages, Nevada
Sin City. Gotta love this place.
It's every grown mans' Disneyworld.
Why?
I'll tell you why:
-Sex
-Drugs (mostly alcohol, but other substances are consumed here as well)
-Rock and roll, oldies, hip-hop, house, jazz, etc.
-Butt naked ladies dancing to R & R, oldies, hip-hop, house, jazz, etc.
-The chance to make money
-The chance to escape the everyday mundane world of waking up in the morning, shaving, driving to work in traffic, clocking in, having lunch with co-workers, daydreaming in the cubicle, clocking out, driving home in traffic, prime time TV...
It's Labor Day Weekend here. I have some friends here that want to hang out.
But it's going to be the same thing as times past: get to the club, get denied access, and get forced to hand over the credit card and ID so we can pop bottles at the table.
After the VIP entrance experience, and having eyes of envy watch us enter the venue, the half naked cocktail waitress/hostess hands over a menu of overpriced bottles. Vodka that usually retails for $40 at the grocery store is priced at $400. With mixers you are looking at $650 for 4 guests at your table. Hmmmmph!!!
Is the $650 worth it? Maybe. If you are able to close on one of the many girls who approach your table that ask if it's "okay to sit at your table because their feet hurt..." but in reality they want free drinks and they think you're a baller so you're thinking you're going to get laid. Hmmmmmph! I honestly think these clubs hire hot looking girls to flirt with male patrons...
I'm going to have dinner with my friend who works at Spearmint Rhino and who recently got fake breasts.
I'm going to play the Mr. Nice Guy and the innocent idiot, and be like "Wow you look more beautiful then ever! I don't know what it is, I can't put my finger on it..." and deny that I know that she got fake tits.
Upon revealing that she got a boob job, I'm going to ask:
Do you mind if I touch them?"
She's great; she's El Salvadorian and is real skinny and has a nice ass. Cute face with DSLs. No silly, not Digital Subscriber Line you freaking dork...
My roommate says I have no chance. He thinks she's a lesbian. He could be right or he could be wrong, but I'm a goddamm equal opportunity employer! I don't hate or discriminate...bisexual candiates who are hired recieve a signing bonus, paid vacation, and employer sponsored benefits.
Funny thing is...she is the girl that was in a photo pouring a Grey Goose bottle that I used to display in my house until my girlfriend saw it and got jealous...
So wish me luck. Planning to take her to Cheesecake Factory or something decent. I just had a big dinner so I'm probably going to order something small so she doesn't order alot too and I can save money. If we both drink tonight, it's on like Teflon, because she doesn't have work until 4am. We're supposed to grab a bite @ 8pm. That's a lot of down time...for me to feel her up time!
If I can't take it back to her pad and hit before she has to leave for work, then I'm going to a locals' bar to try my luck at some Vegas sluts.
Fuck a club, I'm good.
I left Hollywood this weekend for a reason.
It's every grown mans' Disneyworld.
Why?
I'll tell you why:
-Sex
-Drugs (mostly alcohol, but other substances are consumed here as well)
-Rock and roll, oldies, hip-hop, house, jazz, etc.
-Butt naked ladies dancing to R & R, oldies, hip-hop, house, jazz, etc.
-The chance to make money
-The chance to escape the everyday mundane world of waking up in the morning, shaving, driving to work in traffic, clocking in, having lunch with co-workers, daydreaming in the cubicle, clocking out, driving home in traffic, prime time TV...
It's Labor Day Weekend here. I have some friends here that want to hang out.
But it's going to be the same thing as times past: get to the club, get denied access, and get forced to hand over the credit card and ID so we can pop bottles at the table.
After the VIP entrance experience, and having eyes of envy watch us enter the venue, the half naked cocktail waitress/hostess hands over a menu of overpriced bottles. Vodka that usually retails for $40 at the grocery store is priced at $400. With mixers you are looking at $650 for 4 guests at your table. Hmmmmph!!!
Is the $650 worth it? Maybe. If you are able to close on one of the many girls who approach your table that ask if it's "okay to sit at your table because their feet hurt..." but in reality they want free drinks and they think you're a baller so you're thinking you're going to get laid. Hmmmmmph! I honestly think these clubs hire hot looking girls to flirt with male patrons...
I'm going to have dinner with my friend who works at Spearmint Rhino and who recently got fake breasts.
I'm going to play the Mr. Nice Guy and the innocent idiot, and be like "Wow you look more beautiful then ever! I don't know what it is, I can't put my finger on it..." and deny that I know that she got fake tits.
Upon revealing that she got a boob job, I'm going to ask:
Do you mind if I touch them?"
She's great; she's El Salvadorian and is real skinny and has a nice ass. Cute face with DSLs. No silly, not Digital Subscriber Line you freaking dork...
My roommate says I have no chance. He thinks she's a lesbian. He could be right or he could be wrong, but I'm a goddamm equal opportunity employer! I don't hate or discriminate...bisexual candiates who are hired recieve a signing bonus, paid vacation, and employer sponsored benefits.
Funny thing is...she is the girl that was in a photo pouring a Grey Goose bottle that I used to display in my house until my girlfriend saw it and got jealous...
So wish me luck. Planning to take her to Cheesecake Factory or something decent. I just had a big dinner so I'm probably going to order something small so she doesn't order alot too and I can save money. If we both drink tonight, it's on like Teflon, because she doesn't have work until 4am. We're supposed to grab a bite @ 8pm. That's a lot of down time...for me to feel her up time!
If I can't take it back to her pad and hit before she has to leave for work, then I'm going to a locals' bar to try my luck at some Vegas sluts.
Fuck a club, I'm good.
I left Hollywood this weekend for a reason.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Thursday night fright...
I am bored. I am tired. I want to sleep. But I can't.
So I want to go out. I want to meet some nice girls who want to have a one night stand. C'mon bitches come right over! I just changed my sheets and fluffed my pillows. My Lovesac (it's not a beanbag!) is ready for some hot ass...
I want to walk to the salsa club a block away but I keep changing my mind. One time I tried to sneak in with my roommate but we got kicked out because we didn't want to pay cover. There were some hot Latinas in there. I don't know shit about Salsa dancing. I can Cha-Cha but it looks way more technical. I'm thinking it's going to be a slow night, since it's Labor Day Weekend coming up and people are saving their money and energy for it. Fuck that...I'm sure there are girls out there that are feeling the way I'm feeling right now. Gotta go get them...
Last night I got yayed out (no wonder I'm not sleepy) and played tennis and cards. My tennis game was on for the 1st set then it faded away as the coke was sweating out of my pores. I do believe I need uppers to concentrate, because as time lapsed my shots were going in the net, out of bounds, etc.
I closed a deal today! Met with the decision maker and HR lady who I have been in contact with. Fucking asshole was playing hard to get. Then he left it as "we'll get back to you in a couple of weeks..." Then I left the company disappointed. Motherfucker.
While I was pumping gas the HR lady called and said he liked me and signed the Broker of Record letter. Bullshit! But I checked my email on my iPhone a couple hours later and Voila!
Thanks dude! This calls for a monster line and some drinks with my cousin and roommate. A night cap would be bonus for a boner and a very productive day...luck? I don't need luck. Just a slut...
So I want to go out. I want to meet some nice girls who want to have a one night stand. C'mon bitches come right over! I just changed my sheets and fluffed my pillows. My Lovesac (it's not a beanbag!) is ready for some hot ass...
I want to walk to the salsa club a block away but I keep changing my mind. One time I tried to sneak in with my roommate but we got kicked out because we didn't want to pay cover. There were some hot Latinas in there. I don't know shit about Salsa dancing. I can Cha-Cha but it looks way more technical. I'm thinking it's going to be a slow night, since it's Labor Day Weekend coming up and people are saving their money and energy for it. Fuck that...I'm sure there are girls out there that are feeling the way I'm feeling right now. Gotta go get them...
Last night I got yayed out (no wonder I'm not sleepy) and played tennis and cards. My tennis game was on for the 1st set then it faded away as the coke was sweating out of my pores. I do believe I need uppers to concentrate, because as time lapsed my shots were going in the net, out of bounds, etc.
I closed a deal today! Met with the decision maker and HR lady who I have been in contact with. Fucking asshole was playing hard to get. Then he left it as "we'll get back to you in a couple of weeks..." Then I left the company disappointed. Motherfucker.
While I was pumping gas the HR lady called and said he liked me and signed the Broker of Record letter. Bullshit! But I checked my email on my iPhone a couple hours later and Voila!
Thanks dude! This calls for a monster line and some drinks with my cousin and roommate. A night cap would be bonus for a boner and a very productive day...luck? I don't need luck. Just a slut...
Monday, August 25, 2008
Four cups of coffee...
Yup. Need it in the morning to jump start my day. I grind my beans super fine so I can get the most caffeine out of them.
Now I'm on the toilet, wanting to share my thoughts.
Today is Monday. I have this thing about Mondays. Mondays are a bad day to prospect, only because all of the world doesn't want to be in office. The working force is reluctant to make the commute to the workplace on Monday because the weekend wasn't long enough. They need a weekend from the weekend.
Go ahead and find out. Get up out of your cubicle and ask the employee in the corner cubicle (who by the way is logged on to Yahoo games) "How was your weekend?"
Your coworker will immediately press ALT + TAB to exit out of the screen so you won't know he's bullshitting at work, and will reply, "Not long enough..."
So Mondays are a tough day to prospect, because no one wants to be at work. Sales is a challenge already. Don't fuck with the gatekeeper who is in a bad mood because she hates her job. Not only that, she's got 40 or more hours ahead of her until 5pm Friday. She's in a bad situation.
I texted the nurse this morning and told her that I was going to call her today...wait, do you know about the nurse?
Let me tell you about the nurse:
I went out with my cousin and roommate to different spots in Hollywood on a Friday night, probably like 3-4 weeks ago. I was outside smoking a cigarette on the ground (there were no chairs and my legs felt like Jello) when this cute Pinay walks up to me bumming a cigarrette.
After giving her a hard time, "Let me see you're ID...I don't give cigarrettes to minors..."
and throwing out my infamous lines such as:
"Don't forget to wear your retainer, because I want you to keep your beautiful smile..."
and
"Can I call you sometime or will your boyfriend get mad...."
(This is a 50/50 chance. If they have a boyfriend, or say they do but they don't, the rebuttal is: "Awesome! Us three should get coffee/tea/Jamba Juice sometime...")
I need more girls on the squad. My MVP is cool but there's no I in TEAM. I need a REDEEM TEAM that performs internationally and wins the GOLD.
So I'm trying to get this nurse on the team.
Ah man, when we went camping there were 3 hot Latinas that my client knew that were camping with us. The hottest one was married but the other two were nice, one was blond and the other one was a brunette. My fantasy was to bone my girlfriend and when she fell asleep, sneak into the bisexual girls' tent and have a hot raging threesome with them...but a babysitter can't leave the baby alone. And shit I wanted out of our tent so bad...forgot to sweep the dirt below our tent and was sleeping on a couple of rocks and twigs!
At the wedding reception on Saturday, there were some very cute girls. But because I was babysitting and I had cockblocker as a date, I didn't holla. Just stared. And that's why GF wanted to leave the party already...she knew the deal.
Here's a proposition when I'm not with her:
"So I, (anonymous), swear to start hollering at breezies whenever I get the chance. Not only is it good for business, it is good for networking, for meeting more girls, and to have sex with other girls when my girlfriend isn't around. And, if I were to break up with my girlfriend, I will have a bench who can score 100+ points, grab 50+ rebounds on any given night."
Now I'm on the toilet, wanting to share my thoughts.
Today is Monday. I have this thing about Mondays. Mondays are a bad day to prospect, only because all of the world doesn't want to be in office. The working force is reluctant to make the commute to the workplace on Monday because the weekend wasn't long enough. They need a weekend from the weekend.
Go ahead and find out. Get up out of your cubicle and ask the employee in the corner cubicle (who by the way is logged on to Yahoo games) "How was your weekend?"
Your coworker will immediately press ALT + TAB to exit out of the screen so you won't know he's bullshitting at work, and will reply, "Not long enough..."
So Mondays are a tough day to prospect, because no one wants to be at work. Sales is a challenge already. Don't fuck with the gatekeeper who is in a bad mood because she hates her job. Not only that, she's got 40 or more hours ahead of her until 5pm Friday. She's in a bad situation.
I texted the nurse this morning and told her that I was going to call her today...wait, do you know about the nurse?
Let me tell you about the nurse:
I went out with my cousin and roommate to different spots in Hollywood on a Friday night, probably like 3-4 weeks ago. I was outside smoking a cigarette on the ground (there were no chairs and my legs felt like Jello) when this cute Pinay walks up to me bumming a cigarrette.
After giving her a hard time, "Let me see you're ID...I don't give cigarrettes to minors..."
and throwing out my infamous lines such as:
"Don't forget to wear your retainer, because I want you to keep your beautiful smile..."
and
"Can I call you sometime or will your boyfriend get mad...."
(This is a 50/50 chance. If they have a boyfriend, or say they do but they don't, the rebuttal is: "Awesome! Us three should get coffee/tea/Jamba Juice sometime...")
I need more girls on the squad. My MVP is cool but there's no I in TEAM. I need a REDEEM TEAM that performs internationally and wins the GOLD.
So I'm trying to get this nurse on the team.
Ah man, when we went camping there were 3 hot Latinas that my client knew that were camping with us. The hottest one was married but the other two were nice, one was blond and the other one was a brunette. My fantasy was to bone my girlfriend and when she fell asleep, sneak into the bisexual girls' tent and have a hot raging threesome with them...but a babysitter can't leave the baby alone. And shit I wanted out of our tent so bad...forgot to sweep the dirt below our tent and was sleeping on a couple of rocks and twigs!
At the wedding reception on Saturday, there were some very cute girls. But because I was babysitting and I had cockblocker as a date, I didn't holla. Just stared. And that's why GF wanted to leave the party already...she knew the deal.
Here's a proposition when I'm not with her:
"So I, (anonymous), swear to start hollering at breezies whenever I get the chance. Not only is it good for business, it is good for networking, for meeting more girls, and to have sex with other girls when my girlfriend isn't around. And, if I were to break up with my girlfriend, I will have a bench who can score 100+ points, grab 50+ rebounds on any given night."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)